“Better to try and fail than not to try at all”

So.. June 2016 and the Journey continues…I have decided to rekindle my blog as yet again I am making another attempt at changing my life for the better – there are lots of different things about it this time.

I had some Hypnotherapy – this really helped. I realised how guarded I was and it helped me to stop using food as a way of coping. I believe I will have that fight for the rest of my life however I am definitely more able to manage the triggers now.

I have a personal trainer – she is amazing. She cares so much about body image and being strong that I am really beginning to ‘see’ my body and notice its parts. This has not been easy – the first time I did a star jump was horrendous and feeling parts of my body jiggle that I would otherwise be so careful to cover up was not pleasant, but I did it – little things like that matter.

I have been doing an online course with a close friend run by the lady I consider to be my ‘life Guru’ – Brene Brown – again – amazing. She speaks so eloquently about life and where I can’t find the words, it’s almost as though she digs down inside of me and pulls them out.

All of the above things have been absolutely life changing. I am becoming more positive and since January I have lost 3 1/2 stone. I am very proud of that.

There is one more thing. I am giving up teaching.

Teaching was slowly killing me. I don’t want to sound dramatic (which I know is highly within the realms of possibility for me) but it was. Being overweight with a food addiction is like the ‘accepted’ Eating Disorder. People happily witness what you may be doing to your body without question. In the last year alone I have gained 4 stone and in the last 5 years I have gained 6. Since 10 years ago I have gained 13 stone. I cannot anymore give my everything to the most worthy of jobs and still go home at the end of the day feeling as though I haven’t done my job. Feeling as though I am not good enough and I am sad to say that is the culture within teaching today. I love my school and they couldn’t be more supportive but there is a culture in this country that needs to change.

Anyway – I am off to do an MA in Play Therapy. Ridiculously excited about this and feel like finally I am doing something I can truly believe in – something that is right for me. This feels truly positive and since making that decision I have lost the weight.

I am beginning to see how eating for me is a real symptom – A symptom that something isn’t right – that I need to sit with the discomfort and work it out.

I am going to damn well keep trying – Part of me didn’t want to continue this blog because it shows that “I have failed and am still in the same place”…. but actually it doesn’t show that. It shows that I am prepared to fight and not give up! This is my one life …. and I fully intend to beat this!

mind

 

 

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