Today I’m feeling low… I can’t shake this feeling of working so hard to get into shape and feel better – yet I still can’t run as far as I would like and I still can’t do a lot of the things that other people do.
I recognise that I have to see the huge changes that have already happened but I am still so disabled and that still cripples me.
I went to sit on the beach this afternoon but I just felt weird doing that alone. I felt weird being alone, on the beach… I felt vulnerable and exposed and to be honest emotional… SO I stood up, got in my car and came home and now I want takeaway. I wont do it though… I can’t – I always get to this point and I’m so very sick of ‘starting again’.
Every day I am at Uni it is so life-affirming and amazing and then I come back to a void – A void of just me… How can I be enough for me without needing a Big Mac Meal at the end of my arm?
I have no answer.