On Facebook I keep getting those notifications that tell you what you wrote on this day last year. You know the ones? Over the last few days I have been receiving quite a few and for the past 5 or 6 years that I have been a member of Facebook, they are generally about doing things differently this time, or how this time I am going to smash it but come January 2nd, I have failed. Come January 2nd I have given up and believe that this year is going to be no different to another – apart from that I may be a few stone heavier by the end of it and feel even more depressed.
2016 was a good year for me. I know there have been horrific things going on in the world and the amount of influential and inspirational people that have passed in this last year has been so profoundly unimaginable. I have been on quite a selfish journey this last year but that quote always sticks in my head “You must first learn to love yourself before you love another”. I have been learning to love me – and now I feel unashamed to say that I am getting there
There have been so many people in my life that have helped me and my circle of friends has been so key and important. Letting myself be disrespected by people is not OK and I am allowed to change that. Over this last year I feel I have and my friendships I have now are on an equal footing. I am not blaming anyone when I say that as I had just as much a part to play in creating uneven territory with people as they did but I am not the same person now. I can no longer be a passenger or a hanger-on-er. I am a person with my own needs and feeling and to deny that disrespects me. I love my circle of friends who are with me now. It’s nice to know that some old friends can genuinely come with me on the journey but I also will not berate myself for people who find my change hard. All my friends honour and respect me, as I do them and that feels nice.
When I started having personal training with Zuleika, my goal was to get fit. I wanted to feel better about my body and my god has that happened – but what I hadn’t accounted for was the difference this would all make to me spiritually. I have never felt like I am capable of anything more that I do now. Zuleika has taught me to have self-belief – she has been so gentle and calm yet challenging at just the right moment. I can’t believe not only the difference in my body, but the difference in my attitude to life. Christmas last year, I believed I was going to eat myself to death. I know that sounds dramatic but it is true. This year I know I can continue fighting – my whole belief system has changed. I am beyond thankful to this lady for finding that hidden somewhere deep inside of me was a warrior who is ready and willing to fight. She hates hearing gratitude towards her – but I will never forget this last year and this gift she has helped me to find – it can never be taken away now. She is an amazing lady…
So as for 2017 I have a few resolutions:
- To continue to grow into the independent, resilient and self-sufficient woman I have started to become
- To think about how I can begin to help others now that I feel more comfortable with me. I want to volunteer and ‘pay forward’ the amount of love I have been shown this year.
- To complete the ‘Tough Mudder’ – GLORY BE!!!!!
- To continue to run and keep my body moving
- To be kind