Today I chose crisps…

Today I had a lovely day planned,

Today was I was supposed to be with people,

But today I chose crisps and enforced loneliness perfectly aware of what was to come.

I’m cross with myself and it feels heavy and dramatic.

Today was the Brighton Marathon – Inspirational, positive people running for inspirational selfless causes.

I feel self’ish’ and narcissistic…

I am training to be a play therapist and I feel the pressure to become OK…

I have stopped exercising and old thoughts and habits are creeping back and it’s suffocating.

BUT I am fully aware that I ‘chose’ today and today I chose crisps…

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4 thoughts on “Today I chose crisps…

  1. I used to do this with dope. I recognise all the feelings, stories, situations. The thing is, I don’t any more. Something changed one day . I knew it no longer served me. I wanted it with every fibre but I knew it was time for the story to change.

    It’s tough but you are getting there. Have faith that the loop will properly break one day. Xxx

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    • I thought I’d had my ‘one day’ but maybe there just needs to be a few for me. Thanks for this… I appreciate so much hearing from people who have the same issue. I’m glad that you got where you needed to be. Xxx

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      • There were many ‘one days’ before then and it can still be a source of very conscious control. I have other challenges now but we are human, we do have choices and sometimes we make unhelpful ones for our souls. However, that doesn’t make us bad, it just makes us vulnerable.

        When we indulge in unwanted behaviour we give it far greater meaning than it deserves, because of the fear of returning to all that has gone before. I do get that. However, you have a great sense of survival and drive as well as being very vulnerable and it’s important to feed the drive as much as you are compelled to feed the negative behaviours. We all need our saboteur on our shoulder whispering temptation. It’s so we can distinguish our choices. Keep going. Thank heavens you’re not perfect. We’d all have such a job living up to your standards. Hugs xxx

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