I’ve never been someone who really excels. I am good at things, so that is not a ‘put-me-down’, but I have never been the best at the things I do. I always want the ‘best’ though and have been known to beat myself up when I always fall short of the mark.
- When I diet, I give up on any kind of food that contains the slightest amount of sugar in favour of quinoa and lentils – both of which I hate, but it’s for the greater good yes?
- When I was younger I used to enter singing competitions and generally would only be lucky enough to scrape a 3rd place and that’s if there were only 3 people in the competition, otherwise I’d get a special certificate for the ‘taking part’. THAT USED TO KILL ME!!!!
The only problem with not being perfect is that, as some kind of penance for not being good enough, I seem to rebel and go in completely the opposite direction. Self-sabotaging to a degree that undermines all my hard-earned ‘perfect-making’ work.
This year has been tough for so many reasons. I gave up Play Therapy. It wasn’t right for me at this time in my life. I had to fight a lot of demons about giving up too easily. I had to dig deep and just trust my gut – something I find profoundly scary.
When I was a teacher, I loved the glory – I’m not going to lie. Having adoring children telling you ‘you’re the best teacher ever’ or asking you to draw a horse and them actually being in awe of your stick-drawing fed my ego. It fed my want to be perfect. The only thing is there is no such thing as a perfect teacher and I reached ‘burn-out’.
As you know, I am an avid fan of Brene Brown and one of her talks is about ‘normality’. She asks us to think about when ‘average’ became such a bad word. When did being ‘average’ become something to be ashamed of? She is right. I agree, we must fight and work hard for the things we love. But are we at risk of continually upping the anti until perfectionism is not something that is achievable but still weighs society down with a huge amount of pressure?
What if we did those things we love and we are still just OK – is that OK?
I want to begin the ‘diet of the century’ on January the first 2018, as I have done for the past 22 years. I want to eat lentils and quinoa (even though the thought of it makes me feel sick) until I physically can’t stand it any more. But why punish myself for perfection? Why punish myself when I can be ‘average’ and happy.
So with this in mind I think about 2018.
My one resolution for next year is to strive for ‘normal’ and strive for ‘average’.
Already I feel the pressure lifting – Let’s start a revolution!