Self-hate is vile.  It makes you rely on others to affirm that you are an OK human – but when they are gone and you are alone, back it comes. It makes you feel like you are stuck in a constant catch 22 situation believing that you need to save other people from yourself but […]


Firstly, can I say I want this blog to come across as being inspired by people who are suffering more than me… Last night, when I got in from Gospel I watched a program as part of the ‘Stand up to Cancer’ initiative. It was a program where Cancer patients had recorded their journey online […]


I needed the break from the blog. I was writing it for the wrong reasons but I am ready to start again. I think I wanted to make people understand the depth of feelings I sometimes have. I wanted people to whole-heartedly ‘get’ where I am and what I am feeling and thinking. However I […]

The End

           I have decided to stop the blog.  When I first started writing it was because I needed this secret out of me – no matter who hears it, and for a while that served me. Now I have come to realise that it’s the people who you reach out to […]


So….this just happened: I feel so much like I am out of control at the moment and I feel like it’s not a choice and that I can’t help it. This was NOT a treat that I am allowed every once in a while – this was a deliberate effort on my part to sabotage […]


I’ve sat with the window of this draft open for about an hour knowing that I want to write but not knowing what to say. I have been quite absent from my blog recently and partly that is due, as it always is, to me questioning why I do this. Why I lay myself bare […]

Confession Time…

So, things are not going well lately. It’s all I’ve been doing to keep my head above water. I have the most fantastic support network around me and such lovely friends… but unfortunately lately I have been letting them down…. letting them down to stay at home and ‘do my thing’. The other thing I […]