Consistency…

So….this just happened: I feel so much like I am out of control at the moment and I feel like it’s not a choice and that I can’t help it. This was NOT a treat that I am allowed every once in a while – this was a deliberate effort on my part to sabotage […]

‘Hope’

I’ve sat with the window of this draft open for about an hour knowing that I want to write but not knowing what to say. I have been quite absent from my blog recently and partly that is due, as it always is, to me questioning why I do this. Why I lay myself bare […]

Don’t go for second best baby, put your love to the test…

  This week, my theme has sort of been self love and as the title lovingly stolen from Madonna suggests, sometimes you have to test that. It is not always easy. At some moments this week I have managed it and some I have not. One of the tests is that I have changed – […]

It’s time to look after you…

So it’s near the end of January – at the beginning of January I started a package that my personal trainer put together for me which basically consists of following a really hearty meal plan for the month of January and some exercises…. I remember jogging with her at the beginning of Jan and saying […]

Ashamed…

I am very guilty of being in the middle of my downfall and ignoring it until the moment has passed… my message to myself so I remember the feelings when I have eaten without control: I know you don’t want to but document this: The pure self-loathing you feel The inflammation inside your body from […]

Compensation

as I am beginning to lose more weight I am constantly shocked by how much my body was able to put up with… For example I am currently laying on my back – in bed… Something I would not have been able to do at my biggest and if fact some nights I would be […]

Feeling a little flat…

Hey guys… Today I’m feeling low… I can’t shake this feeling of working so hard to get into shape and feel better – yet I still can’t run as far as I would like and I still can’t do a lot of the things that other people do. I recognise that I have to see […]

I got 99 problems but the binge ain’t one…or so I thought!

Today did not go well… there was no rhyme or reason for that… I have had the best week of my life – so I needed sabotage… Let’s start with Saturday. Saturday: I had worked so hard and it culminated in me being able to complete my first 5K – The Colour Run… and it […]