Consistency…

So….this just happened: I feel so much like I am out of control at the moment and I feel like it’s not a choice and that I can’t help it. This was NOT a treat that I am allowed every once in a while – this was a deliberate effort on my part to sabotage […]

‘Hope’

I’ve sat with the window of this draft open for about an hour knowing that I want to write but not knowing what to say. I have been quite absent from my blog recently and partly that is due, as it always is, to me questioning why I do this. Why I lay myself bare […]

Let’s talk about addiction…

The Oxford English Dictionary defines addiction as: “The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity.” I am addicted to food. I don’t want to be but I am. I know it because I use it instead of ‘feeling’. Somewhere along the line I learnt not to¬†feel. I am not just […]

The turning point…

  I have been pressing the self destruct button (or the ‘f*ck-it button’) for about 2 weeks now but just as it often does, I feel as though I’ve reached the turning point. The game, however, is not without risk. There was once that time that I didn’t come back and the binges continued until […]

Don’t go for second best baby, put your love to the test…

  This week, my theme has sort of been self love and as the title lovingly stolen from Madonna suggests, sometimes you have to test that. It is not always easy. At some moments this week I have managed it and some I have not. One of the tests is that I have changed – […]

Eating’s cheating! … WHAT?

So… I did my second ever Park Run today. I have promised myself that I will run 5K on as many Saturdays as I can and it has been going well. I have to keep in my head that my only competition is me as the people I run with are still so much faster […]

The process is as important as the goal…

This is my local park. The black line is how far I managed to get round it this morning without stopping with Zuleika. She reminded me that when I first tried that jog I could only manage 5 seconds and needed lots of time to recover. This time We chatted and there were moments I […]

Feeling a little flat…

Hey guys… Today I’m feeling low… I can’t shake this feeling of working so hard to get into shape and feel better – yet I still can’t run as far as I would like and I still can’t do a lot of the things that other people do. I recognise that I have to see […]

I got 99 problems but the binge ain’t one…or so I thought!

Today did not go well… there was no rhyme or reason for that… I have had the best week of my life – so I needed sabotage… Let’s start with Saturday. Saturday: I had worked so hard and it culminated in me being able to complete my first 5K – The Colour Run… and it […]

The war; ‘Pre’ vs ‘Post’

Gorging myself on food does not make me at all happy and indeed after pretty much 30 years of doing so I am aware of the outcomes and they are never good. Luckily the need is becoming less as I start to see the results of a healthy diet and exercise, but sometimes the need […]